Queer Romance
I’ve been finding myself on google, searching for an answer to the question “What is romance?” This hunt for an answer was spurred by an ex-partner of mine sharing that the label of “romantic partnership” has never really resonated with them. Over the past few months, I’ve been on dates with humans who expressed something similar: that they don’t really get crushes or experience swoony feels for humans they date and/or are in non-platonic relationships with. These conversations have made me wonder: What the fuck is romance? What kinds of intimacy might be possible for us if we let go of the toxic cisheteronormative understanding of romance that is tethered to insecure attachment? This essay is my attempt at answering these questions while interrogating the stories I hold about romance that have been shaped by my attachment wounding.
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Recovery for the Revolution: A Conversation with Carolyn Collado
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Letting the Grief Flow
In my last therapy session, my therapist told me “When we get stuck in the limiting beliefs, grief doesn’t get to flow.” I’ve been sitting with the weight of this realization. I know that I’m ready to let go of these old beliefs, but my parts (fight, flight, freeze, submit, and attach-cry) aren’t as ready as I am. Because they know that when we let go of old beliefs, we come face to face with the grief of holding those beliefs for as long as we did, and the grief of whatever events led to us creating those beliefs to begin with. It’s a doubled mourning. And I can understand why these parts are terrified to let the water of my grief flow.
